Week # 18 Weigh-In: My Own Worst Critic

Greetings All,

Amid another busy week, I find some time to blog. Last week, I gained 1 lb., bringing total weight loss back up to 29 lbs. This week, this pound has become an obsession. I found myself really pissed off about it, dwelling on it... what I did right, what I did wrong. In reality (and I KNOW this), my weight fluctuates towards the high side when Aunt Flo is visiting, and like clockwork, I gain 1 lb. and the good Aunt arrives. It's been this way for 5 months. But it doesn't matter. I have kicked my ass this week over this stupid pound.

It's not been easy. We are now in full gear getting ready for the show now w/ practices every night of the week, which means I don't go home between work and rehearsal. Which means dinner is what I can scrounge up or can go get. I have gone out of my way to eat decently while I'm eating out, but it's still been difficult. I get home around 9:30 - 10:00, visit w/ the hubby for a minute, and then go to bed. Repeat.

Yes, the days have been hella-long. Yes, I am tired as hell. Yes, I miss my husband and my house needs cleaned. But the truth is, I am absolutely LOVING doing the show. I've met some really great people. I am having fun. I feel more alive than I have in a looooooooong time. I forgot how much I love theatre; the feeling of being on stage in front of people, the feeling of a stage under your feet, the way a theatre smells, the people that you meet... things I have missed for a long, long time. I feel like I'm finding me again.

And yet, I am torn between the high of the adrenalin of theatre and beating myself up over gaining a pound. Do I need to re-assess my priorities? Do I have to be so focused on losing weight that I cannot do things I love? Do I need to be getting my ass out of bed at 5:30 to work out prior to working 13 hour days? How can you do everything you want to do - everything you need to do? Balance in life has never exactly been a strong suit of mine. I like being busy - or perhaps the better word is consumed - by things that are not the mundane, everyday tasks. Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not half-ass anything. I'm all or nothing.

So, I try to do better this week, which I think I have. I remain my own worst critic. Because if I'm not, I'll lose my will. And no one else will do it for me. Hopefully, I will feel better about myself next week. In the meantime, I continue to fight. I love life. I work hard. I kick my own ass. I remain conflicted and unbalanced.

.... until next time... 

Week #17 Weigh-In

Hello All,

Hooray. I hit a milestone this past week! I lost 1.8 lbs., bringing my total loss to 30 lbs.!!!! 2 more pounds and the hubby is taking me shopping (I'm sure he's forgotten this promise by now... but this your little reminder, honey....).

I was really pleased w/ the results from the past week. I really did eat pretty well, at least until the weekend got here. This week, however, hasn't been as successful. I've had play practice nearly every night this week (except tomorrow... can't wait for a day off!), so it's involved eating when and where I can. I guess I'll find out when I go to weigh myself this weekend.

Work and life has also been busy. I like my life in a state of naturally-occuring busy, but lately, it's been like, WTF-kinda busy, added in w/ sleeping poorly and little exercise. I actually am missing it. I wish there were more hours in the day....

But, I'm making progress and moving along, and that's what matters. :)

Weigh-In: Week #16

Hello All...

So it has been 4 months since I've been tracking my weight loss. Time flies when you're having fun... ha ha!

This was not a spectacular week, for no other reason other than laziness on my part. I did not eat like I should, and for that, I gained .4 lbs. So, I'm still at a loss of 27 lbs., over 10 lbs. my initial goal, but I am still irritated about the gain. Just means I'm working hard this week....

Not that exercising is happening much. Have play practice every night this week. So I'm going to have to kick my ass w/ food, and hope that next week, my practice schedule allows me to go to the gym. I miss it. Especially w/ the weather nice, I really wanna hop in a pool! :)

Talk to y'all soon! :)

Weigh-Ins # 13, 14, 15

I have been a terrible blogger. It's been 3 weeks or so since I've had a chance to blog about my weight loss. Things have been sooooooooo hectic and the best word to describe things lately has been distracted. I spent most of last week in jury duty, which was interesting, but kept me away from work when I really needed to be there. So I'm super behind there. My car is on a slow death march, so I've been car shopping. I've had play practices and we're remodeling a room in our house which is like super-consuming... so w/ all of that, blogging has taken a back seat. Dieting, however, has not. Working out has been nearly impossible though. There's just not enough hours in a day to do everything you want to do. :(

So, week #13, I lost .6 lbs. Week # 14, I lost 1.6 lbs. Week # 15 I lost 1.6 lbs. That's a 3 week total of 3.8 lbs. and a total loss of 28 lbs. I am really happy to be so close to 30 lbs. lost! :)

I was trying some clothes on yesterday w/ a girl friend, and I am proud to say that woman's clothes are too big on me now!!!! That felt really good. Granted, I'm sure I'm going to be shopping at Lane Bryant and the Avenue for a while... but the fact that 1X and 2X things are big is wonderful!

I also went crazy and bought a bathing suit that I really want to look nice in by the end of the summer! It's really adorable and looks like a 50's pin-up girl bathing suit - black w/ white polka-dots, a little skirt, low cut. Very cute. Not that I have a reason to wear a bathing suit, aside from water aerobics, but it's a goal. It fit when I tried it on yesterday, but not as well as I would hope. To be fair, I hate trying on bathing suits w/ underwear on and I was very full from dinner.... but it's a nice goal to have. :)

So that's where I'm at. Again, my apologies for not writing sooner. I'll keep in touch a little better. :)

<3

Weigh-in #12

Hello Readers,

My many apologies for the tardiness of this post. My husband scolded me yesterday for not blogging yet this week (which was good... he keeps me honest!) w/ my latest weigh in, so here I am, better late than never...

This week has been absolutely crazy! It is the week of the office move, which means the amount of time I've been able to sit at my computer during work (shhh... don't tell...) and blog has been significantly reduced. After today, I won't even have access to my computer b/c tomorrow is our official move date. On top of which, I had an audition for another play Monday night, which I will discuss more in-depth here shortly. Yesterday, I had to go to a local town meeting, and spent all day helping our warehouse lady finish her packing, which was gruelling, intense work.... no need for a work out yesterday... I thoroughly kicked my own ass from all the packing, heavy lifting, etc.

Now for the weigh-in... this is a milestone in this adventure. It's been 3 months since I've been weighing myself and in that time, I have now officially lost 25 lbs! :) I lost 1.8 lbs last week alone, which was shocking b/c I actually never worked out. Then again, I have had anything but a "normal" office job over the past 2 weeks... most of my time is spent on my feet, running around, packing. So it breaks up the whole sitting on my butt in front of a computer typical kind of day for me. :) I am also now at my halfway point for the year for weight I've wanted to lose, which is also fairly awesome! I am definitely proud of this accomplishment and the hard work thus far!

As I mentioned earlier, I auditioned for a show this week. It is an adaptation of Alexandre Dumas' "La Dame aux Camilias" (or The Lady of the Camellias, if your French is a little week) aptly titled "Camille." If you have ever seen Moulin Rouge, the screenplay is a loose translation of the same story. The adaptation was written by the gentleman who will also be directing it, so it was interesting auditioning for someone who already knew what he wanted the show to feel/sound/look like. Some of the roles had already been casted, so I was not really expecting anything. However, I got a phone call yesterday and was offered a role! :) I will be playing Nichette, a respectable (read: not a whore!) girl and an old, dear friend of the main character. A small, supporting role, but a start... a foot in the door of the local theatre community, which is really all I wanted. I am thrilled and excited, and the first rehearsal is tomorrow (did I ever mention I am also a bit of a masochist...???). Whew!

So that's this week in a nut shell.... I'm tired just re-reading all of that... ugh! But yay for good news all around!

Weigh-In #11

Hi Everyone,

Well, at this point, I was supposed to be down 25 lbs. (at least according to my short-term goal). However, 2 weekends in a row of being away from home and doing things that are "out of the ordinary" put a bit of a hamper on it. Last week, I gained 1.4 lbs. This week, I am glad to report that I lost 1.2 lbs! So I lost nearly everything I gained the previous week. However, I miss this particular goal... I am down 23 lbs. total. But I am still not complaining. I'm double where I expected to be at this time, so YAY!

I did pretty well on eating good and exercising this past week. Went to the gym, exercised at home... could have done more, but I did better than I have been doing. This weekend, however, I went to Columbus for a weekend visit w/ the in-laws (the hubby and I along w/ the ma and pa-in-law went to visit my brother and soon to be sister-in-law!). Had a wonderful time visiting, catching up, talking wedding stuff, etc. And for the most part, my food options were pretty good. Stopping for ice cream was really difficult. Apparently, Columbus has this really terrific gourmet ice cream place called Jeni's. They have all sorts of kinda-funky flavors of ice cream and they are going to have an ice cream station type thing instead of a cake at the wedding, so we wanted to check it out. You can sample at this place all the different ice creams and they are fabulous... but instead of getting what I really wanted, which would have been a salty-sweet caramel ice cream, I ended up getting a kid's portion of Cardamom-Lime Frozen Yogurt. It was tasty, don't get me wrong. But I was actually half-impressed w/ my self-control.... :)

P.S. Kasey and Betsy, if you're reading this, I had a wonderful time and appreciate your hospitality in your new, beautiful house! Also appreciate the use of your bar and consuming a good amount of your wine and your Bailey's.... ;) I hope we can do it again sometime....

This week, I am looking forward to some normal-life kind of stuff. Staying at home this weekend. Catching up on some cleaning and other stuff.... next week, my office is moving, so I'm planning on trying on keeping home life normal when work life turns to chaos!

I also have a new goal - when I lose 9 more lbs. (which will bring me to an even number w/ regards to my weight), I am allowed to get some new clothes, given that I can hardly keep my pants on my ass anymore. I don't have a time frame to get it done, necessarily, although I'm hoping for w/in the next month or 6 weeks... b/c I really do want some new clothes. So that's what I'm looking forward to. :)

Talk to everyone later. :)

Weigh-in #10

Greetings Readers,

Another quick blog as I'm jotting this down during my lunch break @ work. Last week was not as good to me as I hoped. Not for lack of trying... believe me. I tried. But alas, I gained 1.4 lbs. this week. However, I never had a chance to work out, ate catered dinners twice, pizza and subs twice, and generally was in situations where I had little choice in the food I was eating, but was STARVING when it was time to eat. So I'm sure my portions weren't great either. I was also drinking quite a bit.... which doesn't help. And to make matters worse, my boss came in for a visit yesterday and brought lunch w/ her and she always brings great, delicious things w/ her. We had salads and wraps (not too bad), I avoided the small bags of chips, but the cookies and freshly-baked rolls, however, were unavoidable.... :( It's very easy to eat like a fat kid.... boo!

Anyways, I went to the gym last night - had a great water aerobics work out, and am working like hell to detox myself.... again....

What is nice, however, is that people are starting to notice. At a meeting I was at Thursday, someone asked if I had lost weight, and he was very complimentary, which was nice. Makes you feel good when others notice your hard work. :)

Like anything in life, you fall down and you dust yourself off and try again. Here's to a better week. :)