Hello Friends,
Long time, no see. I wish I had something to blame it on... not that I haven't been busy... but not enough that I should have ignored my blog for 3 weeks. Such is life, I suppose. Seems like I've been having the same feeling about the lifestyle change...
So, over the past 3 weeks, I gained .2lbs, lost 1.6 lbs., and then lost 0 lbs. I am still flirting with down 35 lbs. since the beginning of the year. I shouldn't be irritated... I'm still 10 lbs. over my goal for this time of the year. I was doing so well in the beginning - super-motivated, ambitious. Now, other things have my attention. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's something I absolutely have to figure out how to balance my life.
I can tell you right now, this week has been particularly abysmal. I hosted a cast party for the show I was in earlier this summer at the house, and had a metric ton of leftovers that finally got out of the house today. One of my achilles' heels, though, was a cookie tray I bought at Sam's Club that was hardly touched. That tray of cookies was like having drugs around someone who was out of rehab. I know that's a pretty harsh comparison, but seriously, that's how it felt. I couldn't keep my hands off of the cookies. Even if I didn't want one. Even if I wasn't hungry. I would be walking through the kitchen and be like "ooh, cookie." And truthfully, I feel like shit. I've ate like shit, and I feel it. It's the re-introduction of large amounts of sugar to the body. I remember it from the last time I did this diet. I am lethargic, moody, and have a chronic tummyache. It's a terrible feeling, until your body adjusts to digesting or metabolizing sugar again. However, that's not really an option I'm considering going back to. So begins the official re-detox. And it will probably be equally sucky. I sit here writing the blog and want to do nothing except sit on my ass, which is totally counter-productive. *sigh*
I have about 15 more lbs. to go. I've done it at least twice over thus far. This should not be so hard. But it is. I have plateaued, and really, I think it's about finding some balance in my life.
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Week # 18 Weigh-In: My Own Worst Critic
Greetings All,
Amid another busy week, I find some time to blog. Last week, I gained 1 lb., bringing total weight loss back up to 29 lbs. This week, this pound has become an obsession. I found myself really pissed off about it, dwelling on it... what I did right, what I did wrong. In reality (and I KNOW this), my weight fluctuates towards the high side when Aunt Flo is visiting, and like clockwork, I gain 1 lb. and the good Aunt arrives. It's been this way for 5 months. But it doesn't matter. I have kicked my ass this week over this stupid pound.
It's not been easy. We are now in full gear getting ready for the show now w/ practices every night of the week, which means I don't go home between work and rehearsal. Which means dinner is what I can scrounge up or can go get. I have gone out of my way to eat decently while I'm eating out, but it's still been difficult. I get home around 9:30 - 10:00, visit w/ the hubby for a minute, and then go to bed. Repeat.
Yes, the days have been hella-long. Yes, I am tired as hell. Yes, I miss my husband and my house needs cleaned. But the truth is, I am absolutely LOVING doing the show. I've met some really great people. I am having fun. I feel more alive than I have in a looooooooong time. I forgot how much I love theatre; the feeling of being on stage in front of people, the feeling of a stage under your feet, the way a theatre smells, the people that you meet... things I have missed for a long, long time. I feel like I'm finding me again.
And yet, I am torn between the high of the adrenalin of theatre and beating myself up over gaining a pound. Do I need to re-assess my priorities? Do I have to be so focused on losing weight that I cannot do things I love? Do I need to be getting my ass out of bed at 5:30 to work out prior to working 13 hour days? How can you do everything you want to do - everything you need to do? Balance in life has never exactly been a strong suit of mine. I like being busy - or perhaps the better word is consumed - by things that are not the mundane, everyday tasks. Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not half-ass anything. I'm all or nothing.
So, I try to do better this week, which I think I have. I remain my own worst critic. Because if I'm not, I'll lose my will. And no one else will do it for me. Hopefully, I will feel better about myself next week. In the meantime, I continue to fight. I love life. I work hard. I kick my own ass. I remain conflicted and unbalanced.
.... until next time...
Amid another busy week, I find some time to blog. Last week, I gained 1 lb., bringing total weight loss back up to 29 lbs. This week, this pound has become an obsession. I found myself really pissed off about it, dwelling on it... what I did right, what I did wrong. In reality (and I KNOW this), my weight fluctuates towards the high side when Aunt Flo is visiting, and like clockwork, I gain 1 lb. and the good Aunt arrives. It's been this way for 5 months. But it doesn't matter. I have kicked my ass this week over this stupid pound.
It's not been easy. We are now in full gear getting ready for the show now w/ practices every night of the week, which means I don't go home between work and rehearsal. Which means dinner is what I can scrounge up or can go get. I have gone out of my way to eat decently while I'm eating out, but it's still been difficult. I get home around 9:30 - 10:00, visit w/ the hubby for a minute, and then go to bed. Repeat.
Yes, the days have been hella-long. Yes, I am tired as hell. Yes, I miss my husband and my house needs cleaned. But the truth is, I am absolutely LOVING doing the show. I've met some really great people. I am having fun. I feel more alive than I have in a looooooooong time. I forgot how much I love theatre; the feeling of being on stage in front of people, the feeling of a stage under your feet, the way a theatre smells, the people that you meet... things I have missed for a long, long time. I feel like I'm finding me again.
And yet, I am torn between the high of the adrenalin of theatre and beating myself up over gaining a pound. Do I need to re-assess my priorities? Do I have to be so focused on losing weight that I cannot do things I love? Do I need to be getting my ass out of bed at 5:30 to work out prior to working 13 hour days? How can you do everything you want to do - everything you need to do? Balance in life has never exactly been a strong suit of mine. I like being busy - or perhaps the better word is consumed - by things that are not the mundane, everyday tasks. Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not half-ass anything. I'm all or nothing.
So, I try to do better this week, which I think I have. I remain my own worst critic. Because if I'm not, I'll lose my will. And no one else will do it for me. Hopefully, I will feel better about myself next week. In the meantime, I continue to fight. I love life. I work hard. I kick my own ass. I remain conflicted and unbalanced.
.... until next time...
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