Welcome to the exciting world of me trying to make a new start and become a better me!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Weigh-in #6

Greetings Everyone,

I have officially embarked on this adventure now for nearly 2 full months and have been weighing myself for 6 weeks. At this point, it's definitely worth looking at some of my successes and lack thereof.

This week's weigh in, I lost .5 lbs. Still disappointing b/c I've spent 2 weeks now where I have not met my goal of 1 lb. a week. This brings my total to 15 lbs. in 6 weeks. And this is where in the past other diets have stopped. Mostly, I would do them for about 6 weeks and then give up. Perhaps this is why I feel I'm hitting a wall of un-motivation. For example, yesterday my husband and I fully intended to use shovelling our driveway (we have a pretty good sized driveway. Both of us shovelling it would take us an hour) as our exercise. We got up when we said we would (roughly), ate an appropriate breakfast for doing a physical activity like that, and decided that we would let the weather warm up a bit and shovel in the afternoon. So, as also intended, we ran to a furniture store and came back home, and somewhere in the middle decided to go up to the wineries that are about an hour north of us. So, no shovelling. I ate well despite being out and about. The worst thing I had was a few slices of a baguette (which was totally necessary to absorb some of the wine I was drinking)... and of course, consuming several glasses of wine...

Today, we fully intended to shovel the driveway... again. Got up at a good time, ate breakfast, and then the hubby got sick. Obviously, a sick hubby wasn't shovelling the driveway and while I am not against doing it myself, I tended to him. Ran some errands, got him what he needed to feel better... no shovelling. Ended up doing a late dinner b/c the NASCAR race was on... and now I'm here at nearly 9:30 in the evening... no exercise for the weekend... no shovelling, no using the Kinect. Nothing.

I am disappointed in myself. I am disappointed that our society makes it sooooo much easier to be a fat kid in life than being healthy. But I cannot change society, only myself. I was so motivated by the losses of earlier that these minimal losses are really kind of discouraging. But it's my fault. If I'm not working out like I should or monitoring as closely what I am eating, then I'm not going to live up to my goals. I am proud of what I accomplished thus far, but there is still much work to be done. Here's to another week to get it right again....

Monday, February 21, 2011

Weigh-In #5

Greetings All,

Enter weigh-in number 5. Not the greatest week ever. I have lost .2 lbs. Not 2 pounds, .2 lbs. A quarter of a pound. *sigh* I am not proud of this at all. I know I've exceeded my goals thus far, but what gets to me is that I am better than that. I did not exercise once last week. I can blame it on the fact that I had to do my taxes, which takes several days, but I'm sick of excuses.

The lifestyle change I have embarked in has to be priority #1. Always. Without excuses. So I'm working on re-making this #1. Thus far I have done pretty good today. Went back to the gym and did water aerobics tonight. Ate fairly well.

So, while I am not happy about this week, it's sure as hell not going to break me either.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Weigh-In #4

Hi Everyone,

So it has now been a month of weigh-ins once a week. Here's today's weigh-in:

In 1 week, I lost 3 lbs., for a total of 14 lbs. in 4 weeks! :)

I was very happy to see this result, because it is a lot more than I expected it to be. This week has been hard for eating good and getting in a good work out. The auditions, as well as a more hectic-than-normal work schedule sort of threw any sort of "normal eating habit" into disarray. Not that I didn't eat well, but not as well as I should have. So I am fairly impressed.

I've noticed that pants are starting to get big on me, and people are starting to notice. Some of my co-workers at our other office mentioned that I look a bit thinner, and the hubby has noticed it too.

In semi-un-related news, I did not get the role I soo wanted (for more information, read my last post). Not going to lie, I am a bit bummed about it. However, to sit here and say that the girl who got the part did not deserve it or I think I would've done better, blah blah blah, is being a sore loser, and while I might be many things, that I am not. I am ok about it, really. Truth be told, the show would have come at a really bad time w/ regards to work and other commitments, so really, NOT doing the show makes my life a bit easier. It also makes it easier to staying committed to this lifestyle change I have been working so hard at. So I'm bummed, not bitter.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Weigh In #3

Good evening, and my apologies for not posting this sooner. :(

Ok, week 5 is in the books, and my 3rd weigh-in is.......

Loss of 3 pounds, for a total of 11 lbs. in 3 weeks! Yay!!!!

Still not noticing my clothes fitting different, which is kind of a bummer. Some of my pants are more comfortable, but not like, loose or big. The only pants I've noticed that are a bit bigger are my workout pants I just bought, but I think it's more because I stretched them out. LOL.

Had a very successful, yet ass-kicking workout w/ the Your Shape program tonight. Burned 378 calories tonight in 45 minutes. Now I'm pretty whooped and looking forward to just heading upstairs, showering, and going to bed.

In other news, I auditioned for a show tonight that I have been looking forward to very much, and got a callback for Thursday for the female lead!! I couldn't be more excited, especially since the last time I was in a show I was in high school, and being casted as a major character didn't happen much... except once. I was the "bad guy" in a murder mystery dinner theatre in HS. It was probably the most fun I had in a role.

The show is called "Fat Pig" by Neil LaBute. The premise is that a "normal" guy falls for an attractive, witty, plus sized girl and the hell normal guy gets from his friends, an obnoxious, narcissitic jackass of a guy and an ex girlfriend who wants more to their relationship. Eventually, he has to come to terms w/ how he feels about the relationship as well as his own preconceived notions. I'm in the running for the attractive and witty plus sized girl (I suppose that's kind of obvious... though not real sure about the attractive and witty part... LOL).  In researching the show, it's definitely one that takes on a lot of the stereotypes people have about heavy people, and it's a bit controversial. There's a good amount of cursing and dealing w/ some taboo topics, as well as some really not-so-nice names about plus sized people tossed around. I look at it as something much more than just a role... it's kind of my life. I've dealt with that kind of stuff in my past, and being that I've been a big girl since I was young, it gives me an opportunity to face and come to terms w/ some of the terrible things that I've been called or experienced.

In going through this change in my life, I have had to face some hard truths about things and who and what I am. I tended to imagine myself thinner than what I was and the truth is, despite hating it, getting on the scale and looking at the number on it was liberating. It's me saying, I accept this for what it is. And it will not be that way forever. That's the important thing. Perhaps true change cannot come w/o a little bit of acceptance of what and why you're changing. Also, I have a lot  more confidence since starting this out. Not because I'm looking fabulous or anything, but more like inner confidence or inner strength. Sharing this journey was something that I wasn't sure if I could or should, but I am sooooooo glad I did. I'm proud of myself thus far. I'm owning up to myself and making myself vulnerable, but it's the most awesome and wonderful thing I've done in a looooooooooooong-ass time! :)